Finding answers {my life}

I still remember the first time I spoke to my dad.  I was 11 years old, standing in front of a desk in a CPS office.  I remember that it was sunny that day, the sun felt warm on my skin as I stood there with a thousand questions running thru my mind.  I always wondered what I would say when I first spoke to him.  I wondered what he looked like now.  Did I have his dark hair? Did I have his eyes?  Did I have any of his mannerisms?  More importantly, would he love me like a Daddy loves his little girl? Was he the missing piece of this puzzle I called my life?

 

I couldn’t put those questions into words at the age of 11.  So I asked him why he left. I remember him taking a deep breath and telling me that we had a lot to talk about…

 

That’s all I remember about that day. I don’t remember where I went afterwards or what I did afterwards.  But I remember those moments so clearly.  Twenty-one years has passed since that day.  I’ve gotten my answers to those questions.  I have his dark hair, and his lack of hair (we’re part Chinese).  I have his eyes and his skin tone. I have his love of Sushi and Chinese food and Mexican food.  I share in his love of a good movie, and photography and culture.  I’ve discovered we both love coffee. More importantly, over the last twenty-one years, we’ve both grown.  The Lord has healed the parts that have needed healing in both of us.  He loves me like I always imagined a Daddy would love his little girl.  And at different moments, I’ve seen and felt the depth my Heavenly Father loves me.

 

I couldn’t be more thankful. I couldn’t feel more love. And if I could turn back time, I would go thru it all over again, just to learn the lessons I’ve learned.

Love Deeply.

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